I swear I could smell your mint breath and feel that your hands were playfully touching mine. I swear I actually felt the way your fingers fill the gap of mine which led to this feeling as if I’m no longer alone— that I have hands to hold to go through my life. I swear I heard those sweet words you whispered to my ear, telling how much I mean to you. How big of a role I play in your life, and how you wish you could mean the same to me. They were real, I swear I heard them. I swear it’s your arms that I felt hugging me from behind, because for a split seconds there, I felt safe. I swear it was your cold lips that was on my forehead and right cheek, and it was your lips that was against mine. I swear it was your shoulder I was putting my head on, because it was the comfort that no one else could ever replace. I swear I actually felt your presence right next to me. I swear, I swear it was you.

But then I opened my eyes, and you weren’t there.

It’s the first day of winter, rain drops are pouring down from the heavens. I’ve missed this weather. Summer is too hot to snuggle up next to a fire in a sweatshirt wrapped in the fuzziest blanket. So today is more than welcome. I may go sit in the nearest Barnes and Noble, because my true home closed. I miss Borders dearly. It’s on days like today that I wish I lived in a bigger city, with more book stores and cute little coffee shops. Instead, I live in a very small college town in the middle of farmland. Maybe I will drive to San Francisco tomorrow, find a small bookshop and get lost.

For today, the school library will have to do. Starbucks was too loud and Barnes and Noble was too far. I’ll find a comfy chair on the top floor, and listen to the rain as I get lost in my own little world of books, paper, ink, and computers. I’ll slowly sip on the thermos of coffee that I snuck in; hopefully the librarian doesn’t come up here. When my coffee is cold and forgotten because I have become too engrossed in my adventure into the world beyond my words and my eyes are too tired to continue, I will walk back home in the rain abandoning my umbrella. Each rain drop will be welcomed onto my clothes, hair, and quickly my skin as it seeps through. I love the rain. When I get home I can take a nice hot shower, change into the most comfortable sweats I own, and snuggle up next to the fire using my dog as a pillow, and fall into a dream-filled slumber.